i've ticked more things off my bucket list than i realised...
I turn 30 in a couple of months. I tried to do a "30 before 30" thing but I kept forgetting about it. I've been feeling stuck lately, and it's hard to feel like my life isn't escaping away from me faster than I can keep up. how do you live in the present and not the past and future simultaneously? I don't know. I'll let you know if I figure it out.
anyway, I started writing a bucket list for the (hopefully) many decades I still have left. I don't really view a bucket list as something to complete anymore - there will always be new things I want to do that get added later, and there may be things I no longer want to aim for.
it finally hit me that I have done a few things worth doing in life. things I always dreamed of, things I only recently dreamed of and things I never thought I would do at all.
I moved away from my hometown, something I dreamed of doing since I understood I needed to leave. it didn't help immediately, but I couldn't start becoming a better person until I was out of there. you can't grow in an environment that only seeks to make you small.
I graduated from university, experiencing the worst mental health I've ever experienced. I got a 2:1 despite being too ill to attend 95% of the time.
I trained as a teacher, my dream job since I was a little girl. it didn't work out, and my dream job is now more of a hell job, but I did it!
I passed my driving test on the first attempt, even though my first ever instructor told me to give up. I'll probably never willingly get behind the wheel again, but I proved I could do things even when they were really difficult to me.
I travelled solo to several European cities. growing up as the kid who can barely speak to anyone in public, to being able to navigate cities with limited knowledge of the local language is one of the most significant and important things I've ever done. for me, it's easier to leave my comfort zone when I'm alone, making solo travel a very intense-but-productive way to reduce my anxieties.
I graduated with an undergraduate diploma in astronomy and planetary science, fulfilling a dream I discovered at 17 to study the stars.
I rescued my baby Penny, abandoned by my former neighbour and left to starve. she is my kindred spirit, my magical familiar.
I attended the BBC Proms live at the Royal Albert Hall. I got into classical music in my mid-20s and started attending my local philharmonic orchestra's performances, but always dreamed of seeing the grandness of the Royal Albert Hall. they played one of my favourite Rachmaninov pieces.
growing up watching tv and film in the 2000s, everything was set in New York City. I always dreamed of visiting. in 2024, I finally did! I saw the city from the top of the Rockefeller Center, saw skaters dance at the rink, watched the Veteran's Day parade, explored Central Park... it was like living in one of my favourite tv shows. the highlight was visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art, one of my "bucket list art museums". it's hard to sum up everything I saw there, but it was worth visiting the city for the museum alone.
although I spend too much time feeling unaccomplished and like I'm falling behind, I've done more than I maybe realised. I'm not a high-flying professional with a six-figure salary, but maybe I don't want to be. I'm right where I'm supposed to be.